i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
