OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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