He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
