RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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