you traded sex for a burrito?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
