OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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