You really coming over, don't trick.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
