when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
