so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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