I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
