I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
