the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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