im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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