Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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