how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
