Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
