uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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