he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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