Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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