i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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