The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
