Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
