Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
