apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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