Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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