Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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