I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
