i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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