they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
