And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
