i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
