I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Someone signed my nipple.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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