girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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