i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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