dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
