Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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