It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
