I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
