Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
