Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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