god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
