Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's always time for handjobs
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
