i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
