Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize