Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
