Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
