Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
