Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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