He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
