Where are you?
In a non slutty way
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
