Someone shit on the floor
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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