summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
