That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
