This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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