And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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