so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
