i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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