ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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