I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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