So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
