Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
