roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You were trust falling into bushes
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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