You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
