This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
