I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
as a side note pls kill me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
