Duck Duck Cougar?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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