How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
