You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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