Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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