i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
