my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
