New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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