Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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