Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
