dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
