Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
