Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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