I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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