I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
