I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
