so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
