So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
