What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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