Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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