I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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