I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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