i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
