i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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