Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
40s are totally the cure
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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