Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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