he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
