now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
